dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
