i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
