remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
