where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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