I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
