I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
