Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
