i already hear my dad disowning me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
