He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
