if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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