Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize