We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
