i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
