Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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