Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
