I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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