i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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