What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
