his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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