Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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