By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
