can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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