When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
