Jerry, you need to find god
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I supernannyed him into submission
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
