I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
