I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
