Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
