he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
