dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
