Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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