It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
vagina is talking i cant
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
