Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Couch. On fire.
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