i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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