your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize