How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
