So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
