Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
