Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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