I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
