i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
