So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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