Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
