I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
