Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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