dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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