so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
