nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
