My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
