His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Panties = found
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
