Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
