When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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