Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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