i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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