Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
