I wish I only lived at night.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
