I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
