So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
