my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
