the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Actions speak louder than pants.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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