Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
