I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
