The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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