Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
