Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
