are you so shy because you have an std?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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