you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
