did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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